Here we go again with some jokes! If you say these aloud in your apartment, you are the first person to speak them aloud in the universe. Isn’t that cool? No? You’re right. Also, I feel like this week’s batch came out a little weak, as I had a lot of stuff get in the way of “joke time” (when I turn the lights off, fire up some candles, slip into a prison jumpsuit, eat an entire roast pig and get to writin’). But I’m still posting them anyway because who cares! On with the show:
Officials with a church in Massachusetts are searching for several 1-and-a-half-ton gargoyles that disappeared. The officials said they think the gargoyles are most likely RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
The Obama administration is planning to increase screening of travelers coming to the US from Ebola-infected countries. This should be a big step up from the current method: [picture of a piece of paper reading “Do you have Ebola? Circle yes or no.”]
New research shows that reindeer in Norway have an unusually high level of radiation due to dust from the 1986 Chernobyl meltdown. So, sorry Rudolph. That nose is cancer.
According to a new report, 90 percent of waitresses say that they have been sexually harassed by customers. More specifically, this customer: [Picture of Guy Fieri]
A new report suggests that the average American graduating from college can now have 20 different jobs over the course of their career, or if they want to pay off their student loan debt, 20 jobs all at once.
Scientists have identified a nearly 40,000 year old hand stencil on a cave wall in Indonesia as the oldest rock art in the world, ousting the previous oldest “rock art” in the world: Keith Richards.
According to data from the wearable fitness device Jawbone, the people in the country who go to sleep the latest are in Brooklyn, New York, and none of them will turn their damn music down.