Again I’ve fallen woefully behind in posting these. But now, here is a select choice of prime-cut, unused jokes, slow-roasted over a garbage fire and fed to you, the Internet:
A new study finds that eating too little salt can also be harmful to people. To reiterate: if you don’t eat the perfect amount of salt, you will die.
An art exhibit has opened in Israel called “Trash People,” which features 500 life-sized figures made from recycled trash. Meanwhile, in America, “Trash People” just had its season finale [picture of Duck Dynasty].
A family of hawks have taken over a library in Florida and attack anyone trying to enter the building. Luckily, since the library’s in Florida, no one has tried.
British researchers have discovered that males who start smoking before the age of 11 risk having sons who are overweight. Finally, a reason for 10-year-olds not to smoke.
Researchers are saying that infants crying at night is an evolutionary survival mechanism that prevents parents from having sex and creating siblings. So parents, if you wanna get some sleep, just promise your baby you’ll use a condom.
The number one pop star in Japan now is a hologram of a 16-year-old girl who has a digitally synthesized voice. Oh, so Justin Bieber?
NBC has launched a new campaign to find the next big sitcom by allowing anyone to pitch their ideas to the network. They’re calling the program “Desperation.”
Health officials are warning about an increase in salmonella infections due to people kissing chickens kept as pets. Said one victim: “So Iii SHOULDN’T kiss chickens?”
Three women in Oregon this week were arrested for twerking outside a local City Hall. Just so we’re clear, monetary donations are considered free speech, but it’s a crime if you make that booty talk.
An elementary school in Florida was evacuated after a classroom’s python escaped. Luckily, class was allowed to continue after the child-eating snake was safely returned to its thin glass case near all the kids.
Florida police arrested a man who was driving naked and masturbating in an attempt to entice truck drivers. Um, normally people just go like this [mimes pulling the horn].
The first round of the US Air Guitar Championships were held this week in Brooklyn. Competition is fierce this year since the winner will be taking home air $50,000.
A student at Columbia University revealed this week that he works as a paid escort earning 300 dollars an hour for sex. Pssh, I bet he only got the job cause his dad owns the company.